Getting back together with your ex and making it work can be a challenge, especially if the breakup was their idea. So what strategies and steps will give you the highest chance of success?
There are several different options you can employ, but keep in mind these can take some work and patience on your part. The good news is several of the techniques give you a chance to restore your relationship for the long haul.
With that end in mind, let’s explore some of the best ways to rebuild a solid foundation and make it more likely your relationship will last the second time around.
Determine The Reasons
While this sounds rather negative, determining why your relationship failed is an important first step to getting back together. Your ex likely gave you a reason for calling it quits, but unfortunately the reason they give isn’t always the REAL reason.
If you cheated, the reason for the breakup is pretty obvious. However, if your ex seemed fine yesterday, but woke up today and wanted to breakup, then it may take some more work to figure out exactly what went wrong. Regardless, you’ll need to have the reason for the breakup clearly in mind, so you know what needs to change to make things work the second time around.
Though you can try to make your ex jealous in an attempt to rekindle their feelings, this approach is really only suited for more casual relationships. In contrast, if you want to rebuild a real and solid relationship with your ex, there will be some work involved. According to Ask Men, one of the best ways to create a viable second chance is to address the issues that drove your ex away in the first place.
What does this process involve? You’ll need to really listen to your ex, understand his/her feelings and concerns, and address those problems head-on. Common issues include poor communication, lack of maturity, too much flirting with the opposite sex, and commitment issues.
If your ex won’t talk to you in person, texting can help open the lines of communication. Even if your ex doesn’t respond to your texts, they will most likely still be read. Just texting random messages with no purpose won’t help, so if you aren’t sure what to say, stick to the type of text messages that relationship coach Michael Fiore teaches in his Text Your Ex Back program.
Give Yourself Some Time
Once you’ve identified the problem areas in your relationship, it’s time to make some changes. Getting back together with your ex and making it work doesn’t happen overnight. The fact you are also dealing with the blow of your breakup will make it more difficult. Therefore, it is important to take some time to get your bearings once again.
Why is this important?
Put simply, if you immediately start angling to get back together, your frame of mind might not be in the right emotional state. Psychology Today echoes this sentiment, saying that you should wait until you’re in a position of strength to reconnect with your ex. In this way, you avoid seeming needy – as you don’t want to come hat in hand, pleading for reconciliation.
Instead, you want to show your ex the person they fell in love with in the first place. To do so, you need to allow enough time to refocus, rebuild your confidence, and work on correcting the issues your ex identified as being problems in the past.
Open The Lines Of Communication
Once you are ready, it is time to show your ex that you really are the right person for them. Obviously, it will be impossible to demonstrate to your ex that you’ve changed, if you have no interaction or communication of any kind.
Fortunately, opening up the lines of communication can be as simple as talking to mutual friends about changes you’ve made in your life. This information will eventually filter down to your ex, and it may pique their interest in you as a partner once more.
However, you may prefer to take a more direct approach by asking your ex to meet with you. Here it is vital that you keep the tone light and cordial, and try to avoid a serious mood.
In fact, you should schedule your get-together during the day, so it’s not confused as a date. You don’t want any romantic overtones to your meeting, and it should not be seen as an attempt to win them back. Instead, this is your time to show them that you’ve corrected the problems that caused you to break up.
For a long-term relationship that you’re committed to salvaging, you may want to consider counseling. You and your ex can attend sessions on your own, but according to Psychology Today, it is important that you share the same therapist. However, you should seriously consider going to some sessions together, as this can truly help you work through your issues.
This type of approach is appropriate for a marriage you’re trying to save, or an ex that you want to spend your life with.
Why is this necessary?
Change can be difficult, and people often have a blind spot when it comes to their own faults. Therefore, rectifying your failures and truly transforming the areas that your ex has identified as being problems may require professional help.
Strategies For Reconciliation
These strategies can give you the tools you need to reconcile and rebuild your relationship on solid footing. If you want to get back together with your ex and make it work, producing real change is the best way to show your commitment.
This process involves taking some time to regain your bearings, determining the reasons your relationship failed, and making the necessary adjustments to restore it once more. Be sure to open the lines of communications with your ex, so you can demonstrate the steps you are taking to win them back.
Also, counseling can be a wonderful tool, giving you an outside perspective that may help to repair your relationship in a significant way.
If these steps allow you to reconcile, it is important not to bring up the past once you’re back together. The goal is to build a NEW relationship and a hopeful future.
Finally, continued counseling can be an excellent choice to ensure you don’t fall back into old patterns. If all goes well, the end result is a successful reconciliation and the second chance you so desperately want.